Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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