This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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