Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
