yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You are a genius and a whore.
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