a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
