Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
