How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
