im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
i drank out of a bidet.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
