You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
