the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
