Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
