I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
