some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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