Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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