i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
