Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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