New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
