Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
