And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
