ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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