I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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