I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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