i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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