If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
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