Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
