hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
