she smelled like a LAN party
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
