Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize