we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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