So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
