Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
