Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
