I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize