You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I smell like Dick and happiness
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
