How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
