my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
