So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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