After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
