1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
