I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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