3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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