Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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