I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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