____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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