I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
