There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
