You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
