Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
