She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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