2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
